i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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