i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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