Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
