i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
