my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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