Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
