The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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