walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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