Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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