I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
