Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
