just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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