i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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