Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
