and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
