Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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