It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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