Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
