Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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