I seem to have left my pride at pride
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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