I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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