wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
