y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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