every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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