dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
