I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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