this beer tastes like vomit already
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
