I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
