i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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