i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
