the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
