My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
