he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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