I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
accomplished twins. life is a go
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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