so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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