if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
