I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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