I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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