i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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