I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
