I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
