Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
