wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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