That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
