Swine flu. Run for my life!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
