Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
His nipple licking is glorious
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