you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
