The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
