I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
