Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
