would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
