That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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