I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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