The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
