The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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