That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
