Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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