I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
