Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
