Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
