maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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