so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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