every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
