I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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