Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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