Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
