Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
