Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
