As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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