You're my little dorito
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
