So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
