Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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