I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
