everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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