he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
