he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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