why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
